Abuse comes in many forms. Abuse within romantic relationships and abuse within parent and child relationships are often the most common aspects explored. Yet, there is one kind of abuse that frequently goes unacknowledged. It’s not spoken about, and very rarely explored in any form of fiction or non-fiction. This abuse is known as sibling abuse. Mary Garden recounts her experience of psychological and physical sibling abuse at the hands of her sister, Anna, in her new memoir, My Father’s Suitcase.
Sibling abuse is often wrongly dismissed as sibling rivalry. Its place within family history and stories can be hard to navigate, but Garden has done it exceptionally well. She opens wounds and highlights the role that gaslighting can play in a wide range of relationship dynamics across the board, but with a focus on its impact on the family in this book.
Family stories are always tricky to tell, because everyone has different recollections. Garden touches on this as she explores how her sister made her feel and the responses of people around her during their turbulent years in New Zealand. Dysfunction can happen in any family, yet in Garden’s case, it was much worse than anyone could imagine. She suffered abuse at the hands of a sister who had her own issues – issues that were explained away or for which Garden was blamed. It’s heart-wrenching to read and see the people a child is meant to trust do nothing to help or stop life-altering abuse.
One instance where the author was injured and rushed to hospital by a neighbour, but still blamed, is something that sticks in the brain. It showed that Anna could get away with anything at any time – and that those she abused suffered the consequences. Throughout her childhood, Garden was gaslit, which comes through strongly in the book from the very first page to the end.
With her father’s life interwoven into the narrative, we learn about intergenerational trauma – how what happened to our ancestors can affect generations down the line, as though it is imbued within our blood and psyche.
Reading this is eye-opening and showcases a different familial experience to what many people would have had in their lives. Exploring these issues and bringing them to light will let others know they are not alone, and shines a light on a type of abuse that is not talked about, but should be.
Read: Book review: Unfinished Woman, Robyn Davidson
This is a tough read at times, but books like this are powerful in their execution and ability to uncover truths and stories that would have once been hidden, kept under the covers amid other family secrets that many people may not want everyone to know. It reminds us that everyone sees the world differently but, sometimes, some people have a better understanding of what really happened than others.
My Father’s Suitcase, Mary Garden
Publisher: Justitia Books
ISBN: 9780646890050
Format: Paperback
Pages: 240pp
Release Date: May 2024
RRP: $34.99
